If You Could Be Anyone . . . By Michael A. Black

If you could be anyone, who would you be?

It’s an age-old question, but also one based on the assumption that a person would rather be someone other than himself. That, in itself, could lead to a whole host of psychological examination questions. Personally, I’d just rather be myself than someone I’m not. Nevertheless, since the purpose of this topic is to have some fun, let’s explore the question.

If you could be anyone . . . Well, let’s see . . . It might be kind of cool to be Superman. I mean, being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound and being more powerful than a locomotive would have its plus side. So would that X-ray vision. It’s a good thing Superman is so virtuous. I doubt I’d have the discipline to behave myself if I had his powers. I’d be too tempted to change the world. Or at least try. Plus that blue suit with the tights and cape don’t really look that comfortable. So I think I’ll pass.

Okay, if not Supes, then who else?

Batman spends way too much time prowling around at night. I did that for a lot of years in a squadcar. One time, when I was working a plain-clothes unit, I was wearing this Batman T-shirt. They’d picked up this impressionable young man for shoplifting and I happened to stroll back into the processing area and the kid saw my shirt.

“You a Batman fan?” he asked incredulously.

I paused, turned to him, and said, “Kid, I am Batman.”

His jaw dropped in shock, but I think he believed me.

So in a sense, I’ve already had a turn as the caped crusader.

How about switching occupations . . . Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the President of the United States . . . Nope, it would never be me. I have the utmost respect for our president, but would never want his job. And look at the stress factor that accompanies it. It’s hard to believe it was only a little over three years ago that President Obama didn’t have any gray hair.

All right, how about this one: “May I introduce the Heavyweight Champion of the World—”

“Yo, Adrian, I made it!”

Having boxed a bit in my youth, and also having an aversion to being hit in the face a couple thousand times, I don’t think I’d want this job either. I’ll leave this one to Sylvester Stallone.

How about somebody really different, like a totally different species?

“Yo, Rinny!”

That was the refrain that Rusty, the kid who owned him, used to use to call his superdog, Rin Tin Tin. He was a big German Shepherd who could give all sorts of bad guys their just deserts. And all he wanted in return was a little praise and an occasional bone to chew on.

But I think I’ll pass on this one too. It would be my luck that little Rusty would have me neutered just out of spite. And keep in mind that things can get terribly mixed up in the dog world, too. Remember Lassie? She was actually played by a boy dog.

Since we’re talking about old TV show heroes, how about Steve Austin, the Six Million Dollar Man? He was part man, and part machine. He could run 60 miles per hour on his bionic legs, and use his bionic arm to pick up a car. He had a bionic eye, too. But I’d have to pass on this one as well. In today’s economy six million wouldn’t buy as much as it did back in the seventies. Plus, there’s that part of him being “a man barely alive” that’s kind of unsettling.

So how about a rock star?

Nah, it wouldn’t work. I don’t like loud music, and since Elvis is long gone, I don’t think I’d be interested in being one of those.

  Okay, here’s one that all you writers out there can relate to: Bestselling Author.

Hmm, this one has possibilities, and it’s actually not totally out of the ballpark. I mean, with a little luck it could happen, right? Okay, maybe more luck than just a little, but it is possible. After all, I do have a new book called The Incredible Adventures of Doc Atlas coming out soon. My buddy Geof Darrow did the cover (to the left).

So I guess I’d better quit daydreaming about being somebody else, and just keep being me. It’s something I’ve got a lot of experience doing.

And after all, it’s not such a bad gig, either.

Comments

[Susan C Shea]

Well, they're nice daydreams at any rate! My take (tomorrow) is something like yours. Makes me wonder if we have we lost the capacity we had as kids to let our imaginations run wild?

[Mysti]

Please do stay yourself! No one else could do it with even half the panache you do!

[Camille Minichino]

Nice, Michael.

My book club is reading "I AM NOT A COP" now, and later this year "Windy City Knights" -- we think you're great at being you.

[Ann]

... and I love the cover art! :-) Soon as the book is available, I'm buying to add to my permanent collection!

[Michael A. Black]

Thanks, ladies. I appreciate the kind words and the sentiment behind them. In a way this whole topic kind of reminds me of that old Sammy Davis Jr. song. "I've Got to Be Me"--- Words we all have to live by, for better or worse. Take care.