Need Inspiration? Try a book tour...

            I’m on a book tour, helping to showcase two new authors, Carole Price and Staci McLaughlin. There’s nothing as inspiring as having your first book published.

We’ve already had some great events at local bookstores and libraries, and there are more to come. We’ve brought along wine, bookmarks, and chocolate as bribes.

            I’m hoping the tour continues to go smoothly. My first book tours weren’t quite as good as these latest ones. In fact, the very first time I did an event, no one came, and I ended up buying four books and losing money. But I didn’t have the heart to tell these new authors what my experience has been. It would only scare them off.

            Here are some examples of my first book event, which was held in an unnamed chain bookstore that has since gone out of business (I don’t think I had anything to do with that but you never know). After setting up a table and displaying my brand new book, this is what I encountered:

Possible Customer Number 1: “Where’s the travel/cookbook/self-help section?” (I don’t know. I don’t work here.)

            Possible Customer Number 2: “Does your book have anything to do with Alaska/wine-making/attention deficit hyperactivity disorder?” (No, that would be the travel section, the cookbook section, or the self-help section.)

            Possible Customer Number 3: “Do you know Sue Grafton/James Patterson/Carolyn Keene? I’ve read all their books!” (No, Sue doesn’t return my calls, James has other people writing his books, and Carolyn Keene doesn’t exist.)

            Possible Customer Number 4: “Have I ever heard of you?” (Apparently not.)

            Possible Customer Number 5: “My sister’s best friend’s aunt has a copy of your book so I don’t need to buy it.” (Great.)

            Possible Customer Number 6: “How did you get published?” (I hounded an agent, editor, and publisher until they gave in.)

            Possible Customer Number 7: “Is this a mystery? Because I don’t read mysteries.” (No, it’s a literary novel featuring a heroic detective, a flawed victim, and a sensitive killer.)

            Possible Customer Number 8: “My teacher said I had to go to a book signing for extra credit. Will you sign this form to prove I was here?” (For five bucks.)

            Possible Customer Number 9: “Can I find your books on e-Bay?” (Sure. And one day you’ll find me on Craig’s List, under “Will write for food.”)

            Possible Customer Number 10: “Is this free?” (Yes, the glossy bookmarks, glasses of wine, little toys, personalized pens, cute luggage tags, embossed notepads, and gourmet chocolates are free…if you buy the book.)

            Possible Customer Number 11: “Will you read my manuscript?” (Will you read my book?)

            Possible Customer Number 12: “Do you validate parking?” (Will you validate my life’s work?)

            Luckily, those days are over. No more questions about travel books, Sue Grafton, or parking validation. However, I’m still losing money, since I can’t get out of a bookstore without buying my weight in books. Meanwhile, check out TWISTED VINES and GOING ORGANIC CAN KILL YOU if you need some inspiration for that next book.

                                             
 

Comments

[Susan Shea]

Funny post, and you've neatly summarized all of my worst signing nightmares, Penny! The only thing that arms me against such mortifying moments in future is that great and famous authors have had exactly the same experiences...even after they've become famous! Usually not at bookstores, where real readers stop by, but at box stores, and mall openings, and such.

[Staci]

You've made the book signing events fun, Penny! No way would I be able to do it alone, especially after reading this list of everything you've experienced.

[penny warner]

Susan, hope you haven't experienced all these nightmares--at one event!

[penny warner]

Staci, you are a joy to share book events with (what a bad sentence! Rewrite!) Looking forward to more....

[Susan Shea]

Penny, Actually, none of them yet - they still exist only as nightmares. But that's not to say next time out I won't be sitting somewhere begging for the floor to open up underneath me!

[Carole Price]

I've had so much fun (nerves and all) at our book events. Funny how we're always seated between you and Ann, as if expecting us to faint from fright. Just teasing. Thanks for your support in promoting our books. You and Ann are the best! Let the fun continue.

[rita lakin]

LOL as usual, Pen.
And I had a delightful time visiting with all of you at book Passage.

Though as I gorged on your chocolate, I was reminded of one of my favorite lines from a Tv show (not one of mine) It was the character, Rhoda, saying she might as well apply the chocolate directly to her hips.

looking forward to reading all your books.
rita

[penny warner]

Rita, it was so great to see you!
You should have been up there with us!
BTW, I have chocolate hips!

[penny warner]

Carole, Ann and I keep you and Staci in the middle to prevent you from bolting....
So far, so good!
Bring on Cleveland!

[Ann]

Ha! I think I've experienced most of these "possible customer" inquiries as well... but not all at one signing!
Yes, Carole, you and Staci are in the middle "by design." ;-)

[penny warner]

Ann, surely you haven't encountered these little glitches in your book tours....