Last year or so I decided to join MyFace. Or SpaceBook. Or was it FaceSpace? Whatever. Apparently one must join if one is a writer and wants to promote one's book.
At least, that's what I thought. I soon felt like Snow White in Wonderland (even more confused than Alice...)
See, once you belong, it sort of looks like you’ve joined a cult—granted a very happy one. First you fill out a Profile. This is where you enter intimate details about your life, like where you went to college (I went to four), what you do for a living (write books), and what your hobbies are (joining online groups I know nothing about). They also want your marital status, so I know it’s not just a front for one of those Dating Sites. Still, I left that part blank.
Ignoring the distracting Botox ads, I moved on to Photos. I don’t have many, other than the one taken five years ago that’s on my website. That’s because I don’t know how to put them on the site. It’s certainly not like scrapbooking, where you just tape them to the page.
Next I went to my Wall. This is where some of my 9 Friends have written me notes. William asks, “What’s new and exciting?” (Nothing.) Danna wants to know, “How was the clam chowder?” (Good.) Carole says, “What is this site all about?” (No clue.) I haven’t written back on their Walls because I have too many other Wall-notes to read from the rest of my 9 Friends.
The interesting thing about this FacePlace is that I can sneak into my Friends’ sites and read what’s on their Walls. Like Cherie’s Wall (she has 4,925 Friends!) She’s doing exciting things like “Occupying Paris.” She invited me to join the Farmville Mafia but I don’t know what that is.
Ignoring the Wrinkle Cream ad, I move on another writer friend's site. She has 1,816 Friends! Her friends are famous, with names like Jeffrey Deaver and Linda Fairstein and Lisa Scottoline. I decide to steal some of her Friends so I can have more—which is apparently perfectly legal. I click on Sue Grafton because I've read some of her books. I wonder if she will accept me or ignore me or out and out reject me. I don’t like rejection, even by people I don’t know and will never see in my life.
I try to Friend some normal people and look at their pictures to see if they seem Friend-ly. I avoid the ones who look like flowers or their pets. Then I look at the picture I put on my Profile page to see how potentially new Friends are judging me. I look ridiculous. Now I have to have a new picture made. Maybe get some of that Botox and Wrinkle Cream first.
There are still more links to explore, like the one called “What are you doing right now?” (Nothing.) There’s also a box that says I have “1 Friend Suggestion,” “1 Event Invitation,” “3 Nicest People Requests,” “2 Smile Requests,” “1 Blue Cove Request,” and “4 Little Green Patch Requests.” Huh?I have a glass of wine to calm myself down.
I realized I’ve just spent an entire day adding Friends, writing on people’s Walls, and reading their Walls. No worries. My goal is to have more Friends than any of my Friends have. I just don’t know what I’m going to do with them all.
